


Sober

by julesby10



Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: F/F, Five Years Later, Heavy Angst, Songfic, this is not a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-30 00:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12642231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julesby10/pseuds/julesby10
Summary: "In vino veritas": Latin phrase that means "in wine, truth", suggesting a person under the influence of alcohol is more likely to speak their hidden thoughts and desires.Nozomi had forgotten how much she’d loved her laugh when they were younger.





	Sober

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Saberin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saberin/gifts).



> Please listen to Selena Gomez' "Sober" while reading! That's where the lyrics are from.  
> Thank you for your time!

“So you’re with Eli now? Like, together together?” she asked.

 

Nozomi answered with a small smile and a smaller nod.

 

“She asked me out on Friday after school and… well, yes, we’re together now.” She blushed scarlet.

 

She looked so happy. And just when Nico had found the courage to confess.

 

How could she break her happiness and hurt her and Eli at the same time?

 

So she chose to hurt herself instead and swallow the feelings that now felt like broken glass sliding down her throat, jagged edges on soft tissue, drawing blood that for some reason looked like tears.

 

“Well, good for you! I’d never thought Eli would be the first to act though! Now you gotta tell Nico Nii every detail!”

 

Her smile looked real and her happiness too, but every syllable Nozomi uttered took a fraction of her heart and smashed it into pieces she was not sure she could glue together again.

 

**We fall for each other at the wrong time.**

 

When she met her again she w as surprised. She was taller, having caught up with those three inches or so. They were the same height.

 

“You cut your hair.”

 

It wasn't a question.

 

“And you let it grow. They're beautiful.”

 

_ You're beautiful. _

 

Red eyes crinkled at the sides in a smile.

 

“Cotaro said he wants to have hair as long as mine. He refuses to have it cut even if it gets in the way" she laughed.

 

Nozomi had forgotten how much she’d loved her laugh when they were younger.

 

“How's life been for you?”

 

Out of the blue, yes, but legitimate. It  _ had _ been five years.

 

“I-I live with Eli. We're married now.”

 

There was acceptance in those rubies that seemed incapable of focusing on something other than Nozomi’s own eyes.

 

“I'm happy for you two. You always made a fantastic couple.” She chuckled, without much mirth. “I almost envy you.”

 

_ Envy? _

 

“Too preoccupied with work?”

 

She nodded. Well, at least Nozomi’s sixth sense still worked somewhat.

 

“There's so many things to do, sometimes even my own home is besieged and I need to leave to let my family have some kind of peace. It's pretty tiring sometimes. It would drive anyone away.”

 

It took a second to detect the sadness in her voice. She had chosen the road to celebrity and she was paying the price for it.

 

Nozomi’s heart thumped faster when Nico looked at her again. When was it that she'd fallen so hard for her?

 

There was so much love in that gaze.

 

How could she have missed it before?

 

Now was too late.

 

**We fall for each other at the wrong time.**

 

**Only for a moment, but I don't mind.**

 

It happened once. It won't happen again.

 

People always say that, why couldn't she?

 

She looked next to her praying,  _ begging _ , for her head to be playing games, hoping so desperately to see blond hair.

 

She was welcomed by a mass of wavy raven hair instead, and a sob escaped the confines of her chest.

 

Both naked in the same bed, covered by crumpled sheets.

 

Her fingers felt sticky.

 

There was no way they hadn't done something.

 

How? And why?

 

Nozomi tried to blame the alcohol or Nico, so peacefully asleep next to her, but she only had herself to blame.

 

The Latins used to say ‘ _ in vino veritas _ ’. That was certainly true in her case.

 

‘In wine, truth’.

 

Alcohol lowered your inhibitions just enough to give you the courage to act on your feelings, chucking rational thought into the trash.

 

Then you had to face the consequences and it wasn't nice.

 

That's what Nozomi had to do now, face the fact that she'd cheated on Eli, her wife of three years, with Nico, the girl who had a crush on her in highschool - that much she had confessed.

 

But she had fallen for Nico now, and she didn't know how to get out of the mess she'd made.

 

**Guess I don't know where to draw the line.**

 

“Oh, so that means absolutely nothing to you!” she shouted.

 

“I already told you it’s not like that! Don’t put in my mouth words that I haven’t said!”

 

“But you just said it! ‘ _ We can’t do this anymore, I already have Eli’ _ Do I men absolutely nothing to you?! Then why did you decide to get drunk and fuck me?!”

 

Nico was crying, make up running, desperation dripping from her voice.

 

They had been yelling at each other since they'd woken up.

 

Nozomi was fuming, cheeks red, her throat sore. How could Nico not get what she was saying? She was a married woman, she couldn’t –  _ wouldn’t _ – abandon her wife.

 

But, maybe, Nico did have a point.

 

If she'd really wanted she could've avoided getting drunk and she wouldn't have spent the evening with the girl she'd fallen in love with.

 

Nico hadn't lured her in, or flirted with her or anything of the sort.

 

Nozomi had made the first step, prompted the first kiss.

 

“Do you have the slightest idea of how fucking much it hurts?! I loved you, I  _ still _ love you! And hearing your ‘I love you’ still gets my heart going and-"

 

A sob.

 

“I really thought you had a clearer idea of who you loved.”

 

**You don't know how to love me when you're sober.**

 

**Why is it so different when we wake up?**

 

“I'm going home.”

 

Nico sighed, ran a hand through her hair and closed her eyes.

 

“Do what you want. It doesn't even matter anymore.”

 

“Does it?”

 

It wasn't even directed at her, it was a thought said out loud.

 

She sighed again, putting a hand on her hip and looking Nozomi in the eye.

 

“I already hurt myself enough with all of this, I'm already bleeding as it is, letting it metter would be suicide. So, no, it doesn't matter.”

 

Resignation, indifference, maybe a pinch of regret.

 

The smile she sported was terrifyingly sad, but that took nothing from its beauty.

 

Nozomi took a breath. It hurt.

 

_ I still love you. _

 

“I… get it, I  _ think _ I get it at least. This is a goodbye then.”

 

It wasn't worded as a question because Nozomi had come to understand neither of them was capable if giving clear answers.

 

But feelings were never clear.

 

She looked at Nico for what would probably be the last time. How beautiful sh e was.

 

Nozomi got to the door, conscious of Nico’s red eyes on her back.

 

Her voice stopped her when she already had her hand on the handle.

 

“You know,” she started, then paused.

 

Nozomi didn't turn around.

 

“I'll always love you.”

 

And the door clicked shut.

 

**But you don't know how to love me when you're sober.**


End file.
